(Part 5): Your story is better told by you, keep writing and recording it

 

If you ask me, one of the most difficult things to do is putting together a befitting ‘biography’ for a loved one in his/her absence.  It is even harder when information is scattered.  It is also hard when there are thousands of memories that you wish to share but cannot easily trace the photos, although you know for sure that they exist somewhere. You cannot find them because of time constraint, and you do not know the right place to look. The same applies to documents for which the owner is best placed to retrieve them. In their absence, you do a wild ransack in the hopes that the next folder you touch would be it. You thus spend several days digging until it is all eventually found. Such searches are not for the faint hearted, the art of patience comes handy. 

Over the years, I have often found myself running away from the camera. I cannot describe myself as photophobic, which is another level of dislike or fear. But I am obviously not photogenic either, you can ask my high school and prior peers how difficult it was to get me participating on photo shoots. Looking back that is perhaps one of my life regrets; the fact that except for the mandatory photos, I have nothing else to look back to and appreciate those bits of my childhood-to-teenage past. In more recent years, my attitude towards photoshoots has improved. But still not my typical cup of tea. Hence, one of the struggles I deal with, especially with my younger sister, are family group photo sessions. She is the type who can take photos daily with enthusiasm. In contrast, I show up for or ‘photo bomb’ shots when necessary. Usually, I am more open to shots captured during events where cameras are all around us and we must do the needful – look at the camera and smile!

I have improved at photoshoots and generally the habit of recording memories. It starts by the realization that photo taking is not a reserve of ‘photomaniacs’ and socialites - we all ought to record our stories. If for nothing else, for purposes of looking back into history in appreciation of the present. This is also to those of us who feel that ‘photoneering’ is a confine of women. Who said men should not take photos of themselves? Are memories selective? When younger, I wondered why my grandparents and parents kept photo albums. In the modern times, I have had the privilege of visiting ‘westernized homes’ both locally and abroad – one thing stands, there is usually a stack of family albums at your eyes' disposal. I never fully understood why people went through the hassle of taking a zillion photos only to display them on albums. Isn’t the whole point of technology advancement about going digital and printing less?  In a more recent experience, I have learnt that both can come in handy. I am also grateful for the fact that we can easily record video notes which allow us to keep motion memories. The satisfaction that comes with it, especially when the very last days or hours spent with a loved one are available at the touch of a play button, is simply magical. You cannot trade it for anything else.

Never shy off from printing and keeping your memories in hardcopy albums if you must. Similarly, and my preference (blame it on the wave of sustainability and going green), capture your memories digitally. With digital records, it can equally be daunting tracing them if you did not store them properly. I learnt the hard way to always store precious memories on the cloud where one can easily access them even when on the move. Not to forget a back-up elsewhere because man, and by extension the work of the hands, is to error.

What is the point in taking memories if you are not going to share them with those who should be part of it?  This is not be confused as to say flaunting your photos and videos on social media. Some people prefer to keep their memories private, which should be respected. However, and useful to consider is sharing of the files' access links with those who take value in being part of the story - your loved ones. This way the story lives on.

One of the best gifts you can give to your loved ones is memories, keep writing and recording them. It allows them to connect with you always, and laugh or cry over the old times. For example, the ‘silly amateur postal letters’ your children wrote to you when they were innocent and too young to understand that life is not a bed of roses. More importantly, memories tell your story better than anyone else could ever do it.  Because nobody but you is better placed to tell your own story.

This piece is in honor of the personal life stories captured through memories. Keep writing, recording and safely storing them. For, in your presence or absence, your story is better told by you.

 

(Part 3): Here’s to family who always show up!

 

This was a rather ‘hard’ piece to write. Not because I am short of words nor ideas. But because I am truly and immensely touched by the support, commitment and personal energy put by certain family members; it is extraordinary! No amount of money nor gold could ever be enough to thank them. If coins of different materials and faces were to be raffled – you can only wish that the shiny golden coin will be their lucky pick.

Many are the times that we are told to treasure family, because they will be there for you through the thick and the thin. Over the years, however, I have come to learn that: families, both nuclear and extended, exist in different moods, level of energy, character, friendship and support towards us. I will highlight a few types, there are probably more out there. We learn each new day.  

There is the family members type one who will be there for you no matter what – they do not only make effort to be physically and emotionally there for you; they always show up! Regardless of the tides and seasons, they are simply there providing the perfect shoulder of solace. There energy and level of support is on another level. When paired to work with them, you ask yourself if you could ever fit into such shoes – these guys are simply ablaze. I prefer to call them ‘presentmaniacs’ but feels this is a bit of an understatement because the word energy needs to feature somewhere within that title.  There are no reminders needed that you must appreciate them. Count them in as you count your blessings one by one.

There is another family type who are there for you – in both the good and the bad times as well. Unfortunately, they may not be able to physically show up due to constraints within or beyond their control. However, the aura and depth of virtual presence they accord resonates so deep that they would almost qualify as the present maniacs - they show up differently. I will call them the 'virtualmaniacs'. These are the type that will suddenly have you sorted out at a time when times are tough all around you and all hope seems gone. There words of encouragement run deeper than water in the seas. For they are blessed with a positive tongue and will use it for your good.  Again, no reminder needed to do the least expected – appreciate them.

This is for the family members who show support behind the scenes but in a different kind of way. They are the quiet people who prefer not to be seen or heard but still stand with you. As some would say, they prefer their privacy. They are like angels who stay guard watching over you and say a prayer with you. You may never get to realize that they have been there with and for you all the while. But they are! You are in their thoughts always. Do not forget to be grateful for them. For your act of gratitude means more than you can ever imagine.

Then there is the laissez-faire type who are basically the hands-off people. They leave you alone and let you be which is not a bad thing at times. Because we sometimes find ourselves in situations where all we want is me, myself and I to deal with it. On the downside, these are dangerous people to have and consider as family simply because of blood relations. They might spare a minute or so to listen to what you have to say but move on thereafter with their lives as though you said nothing, and nothing happened. There are times where this nature of reaction is borne out of past experiences which may be understandable. Don’t spend too much energy trying to stress over it, for history cannot be changed – it remains a constant like change itself. When it comes to gratitude, we must always remain grateful. So yes – whether sore or sour, be grateful for this type of relations.

Life allows us to experience varieties including family variances. Family is important and comes handy at your darkest moments. As it is said, blood is thicker than water.  But I wish to throw a spanner in the works and dare say, ‘water can metaphorically be thicker than blood’. This is me being crazy, right? Find out why the spanner may be useful on my next post.  

 

This piece is in honor of family, extended and nuclear, who dedicate their time, energy or resources to be there for you always. Because family means more than the genetic ties. For actions speak louder than words. And family should be there for each other.