Coping with a loss (part 1): I know the plans I have for you…

 

Had you told me earlier in the year that I would be writing a series of blog posts based on a sad season yet filled with educative chronologies, I would have said no way! But as I have learnt in the recent weeks, life throws different things at us. And we must deal with them whether we like it or not. How we choose to do so differs: but the coin remains two-faced, it is yours to decide which side to look at. 

It is slightly over two weeks since we lost my father, and it is a loss that I am still struggling to deal with. Many friends and relatives have called or sent messages of hope and comfort for which my family and I are grateful. They have kept us going. Although at the beginning, I must admit, I kept wondering whether people must always call or send too many messages in such times – I was probably in a state of denial while trying to come to terms with the fact that this was not a dream, it was real. A reality that life throws at us sooner or later.  I hated the fact that it had to happen in the middle of a pandemic, and a few days after the presidential issuance of a 'partial lock-down' in Kenya’s zone one following increased cases of COVID-19 infections. Did God really have to do this to us? As it is, death is inevitable and there are no guarantees to life. This thought though scary should always remind us that we must live life while it lasts and make the best of it - which I believe my father did by doing good while he was here.

Dealing with a loss can be difficult to almost impossible for some people. You will get suggestions of different ways to find comfort which will either work for you or not. In my recent experience, you must find what comfort mechanism works for you individually as there is no manual for it.  For example, my past week has presented nights of insomnia – I couldn’t sleep yet I am naturally a sleepy head. Those who know me reckon how much I love my sleep when the time and chance allow. It is insane to want to keep your ‘hobby’ going yet you can’t due to factors beyond your control. I have thus spent several nights thinking a lot about nothing and everything, especially the chronologies of the last two weeks. I have also spent each of those nights listening to music until sunrise only to end up falling asleep when it is time to wake up and get work done. These are the times one thanks God for the opportunity to work from home now more than ever as I would have probably showed up super late for work every day. The new normal might not be too bad after all... it has brought its own share of grave effects but has our backs covered occasionally.  

I am yet to fully figure out what comfort looks like for me and appreciates the advisory from friends that we must try draw something positive off the memories to keep us going. In my case, I have chosen to spend my sleepless nights doing something we both shared – the love for writing. And thus, I am writing a series of blogs in his honor. 

Unlike my narrative genre of writing, his writing was inclined towards coding and programming, among other things. He was a computer adept. I remember while reading through his CV recently as we prepared the eulogy, I felt challenged by the fact that he'd learned and perfected several programming languages at a time when computers were rare in this part of the world. For the record, he was 71 years old at the time of demise…so you can do the math/history check for when computers became a hotbed in Kenya. My father was a master of different things and ended up practicing in various fields before finally settling on computers and programming until retirement. Over the years, he stack to his love for reading newspapers – this guy could read and read tones of newspapers.We were not allowed to 'dare touch any copies for other purposes besides reading and returning thereafter'. I remember the very last Sunday before his demise when I bought his usual read – Daily Nation which he unfortunately never got to read. We still have it placed somewhere on the living room cabinet and may never get to read it (blame it on digitalization). But while I still breath, I will forever cherish and emulate this love for knowledge and wisdom. Whether broke or broke, he always bought and read his newspaper.

I may be outraged at 2021 for what it has done to my family, as it has on many others affected directly or indirectly by the pandemic over the past year. But I choose to remain optimistic that no matter what ‘God knows the plans He has for you’. It is weird that this is my 2021 theme set at the beginning of the year in the subconscious but now unveiling in the conscious. 

No matter the circumstance – I know the plans I have for you. If you are a Liverpool fan, you could chant it as “you’ll never walk alone” or something related provided the message gets home.  This piece is in honor of the departed souls.