(Part 4): Choose your friends wisely

Image courtesy: Nation Africa

The date is September 30th 2014. The article title reads ‘mum, you definitely chose your friends well’. In case you are wondering, it was a feature about my parents and I. One of those rare times you allow yourself to go public in a major newspaper feature. It was worth it. Because it gave friendship a new meaning and purpose then as it does now – one that sets the tone for my post today. Like a two-faced coin, friendship manifests in two types – positive and negative. Its yours to choose which type to sail along with. 

 

I have always been grateful for the fact that I am surrounded by a group of few but supportive friends. Or so I believed until recently where my instinct was proved right, I can confidently say that I and by extension my family have indeed chosen our friends well. Although I must admit that over the years, I have noticed that the number of friends I consider dependable or close for that matter has been on a downward trajectory. Out of worry, I once asked one of my life mentors, a slightly older woman, whether she had a similar experience – one where you suddenly have fewer and fewer friends as the clock ticks. The answer was yes which was a relief, the boat is shared.  However, and more important is that as your circle of close friends gets smaller, the bonds become stronger and the relationships more constructive. These are the people who graduate into family friends in later years.

This is for friends who evolve over the years into close family friends. They give you relentless support in both the good and the bad times. They reach out to check on you – in all honesty because they truly care - in case you are wondering what true friends are like. In my recent experience, they are the type of people who will dash out in the middle of work or pressing errands to be there for you when it is most needed. They take it upon themselves to run appeals on your behalf and rally their friends (who are unknown to you) to your rescue at the eleventh  hour. They are the reason you can sleep peacefully because of the assurance that somebody is sorting out the business you cannot take care of. This should not be confused with casting all your burdens at others in the name of friendship. Nor them taking a bullet for you when you could have avoided the shoot out in the first place.

 And then there is the kind of friends who may be thousands of miles away, but the emotional support they accord you is on another level – these guys are the bomb! We should be grateful for digitalization and the things it has made possible. For sometimes all you want is a listening ear as you rant and rave about what is or could have been. Then comes your savior – the perfect ears to do exactly that, listen.  I think the art of listening is by itself a gift, not all of us can do it. Some of us have tried and failed miserably.  I wonder how psychologists manage to sustain hours of talking without saying a word. Or don’t they?  The struggle is real. Or is it better said that the tongue can be such a venom?

I am particularly in awe of family friends who exceed our expectations. They go the extra mile to avail their ‘children’ too to stand by you. I know this may sound strange or complicated perhaps. In case you are wondering what that means – it is instilling values in your children which allow them to naturally connect with and tirelessly support your friends because they see the shared value in the kind of friendship you have invested in over the years. They grow up with a sibling attachment to your friends’ children. These people will break ceilings for you regardless. They sweat on your behalf, to allow you take a breather off the insurmountable pressure that the universe unceremoniously exerts at you.

Friends, like family exist in various types. Take your time to invest in the right friendship, because it is a lifetime investment that must be calculated and done properly. It brings with it a fair share of risks and threats for which you must draw the mitigation measures. Never forget to appreciate and be grateful for those you count on as true friends. For you would rather have one dependable and constructive friend than a contrary multitude.

This piece is in honor of reliable friends who dedicate their time, skills or assets to stand by you at all times. They also reproach your wrongs, celebrate your wins, and encourage you to see beyond your losses. Choose them wisely.