(Part 2): You do not choose where you are born, but you can shape the future

 

Some people are born with a silver spoon while others toil for the rest of their lives to no avail. Life presents a two-faced coin, if you toss it the outcome can go either way – you cannot entirely predict it but might be lucky to get a positive outcome on each consecutive toss. Similarly, you do not choose where you are born, but the future is yours to shape – promising or disheartening. 

 

I am grateful that life gave me the opportunity to experience a different kind of parenting.  If you have read some of my blogs over the years, you may understand what I am talking about. For those of who don’t fancy digging through archives, let me quickly share it. I lost both of my biological parents at a tender age. As fate would have it, I would later be taken in by mom’s friend and grow up in this ‘adopted’ family. As siblings we identify as of the same womb where I take the last-born spot. This is therefore my second (or third depending on how you count) experience of the pain and anguish that is the loss of a parent. Unlike childhood where I was too young to comprehend the series of events, I now understand and absolutely feels the anguish - it equates to an achilles heel. If you ask me, the most difficult loss occurs when you are older because you have a clear grasp of memories shared in the past.  

When I arrived at my new family and home several years ago, I was a petite child, timid and below average performer at school. I never saw a reason for why people should go to school, many children at that age probably don’t either. It felt like school was a routine that every child had to conform to. I remember my father encouraging me to never shy from standing on a stool whenever I needed to use the kitchen sink and felt too short to reach it. At the time, my favorite house chore was cleaning the dishes, as such I was a regular user of the kitchen sink.  I was also allocated the tallest seat at the dining table so I could comfortably pertake meals but also enjoy good visual angle as we indulged in various conversations as a family. These were acts of equity and an invaluable lesson at an early age that we should not let physical barriers hinder us from shooting at what we are aiming for; circumnavigate the challenge and you will accomplish the mission.  

I was not exactly a ‘brilliant’ child. I say ‘brilliance’ because of my believe that all humans are born with a unique intelligence which might not illuminate automatically - at the appropriate time, environment or place, it glitters. For some people, the brilliance is in academic stardom while some are gifted to shine at other things, away from academic halls. Looking back, I am grateful that my guardian parents saw the hidden potential in  me. It presented as brilliance within the academic realm which was nurtured through daily motivation from my parents. They made me believe in the fact that I could turn around my school grades, if only I shed off a bit of my sleepy head and channeled the time and energy towards studies. To date, sleep remains one my lead 'hobbies', but only when time and chance allow.

Over the years, my father invested his time to support my siblings and I through personal projects and other life goals. This unwavering support started by way of tutoring or guidance during school homework. Had Kenya's current Competence Based Curriculum been introduced back in the days, I think father would have been one of the ‘few parents who enjoy working with their children through the bandwagon of hands-on assignments that is CBC system.' As siblings, most of us  have carried along this virtue to date – whether tired or tired, you must always dedicate time to personally monitor and support your child or mentee’s growth, education and talent development. We must strive to generously give of our time with love and joy without expecting any reward in return.

The best complementary gift one can give towards their child's education is a sense of dignity and the skills required to shape a better future for themself and their future generations. In my case that gift was grounded on transformative parenting which supersedes the biological constructs.  Because we do not choose where we are born, but we can shape the future.  

This piece is in honor of parents and guardians, present and departed, who do not tire from shaping a future generation filled with hope and ethical ordinance.